A question often asked is how do I know if the Turkish Man I am dating is genuine and not a love rat. Dating a Turkish Man can open up a lot of Questions and Worries.
When I first started dating my husband I was well aware of the so called Love Rats or as I prefer conmen. I went into the relationship with my eyes wide o
pen. I knew about the scams and I knew what went on around the holiday resorts.
This is the time of year when many women are trying to decide if they should follow their hearts and commit to their Turkish Boyfriend.
How do you know he is genuine? How do you know he is not just wanting a visa? How do you know if he is not just after money?
When I started dating my husband I explained to him that I had little worries and that I never want him to ask me for anything. No money, no presents and no visa. If he wanted to come to the UK he would have to do so under his own steam.
He wasn’t happy that I was saying at this moment maybe I don’t trust you, but he Loved me and he stood by these requests and as the relationship grew the trust built and the worries went away.
Simple answer is you don’t, you don’t know if this man is genuine, but it doesn’t matter if he is Turkish, any man, any where in the world can be out to scam you, just as any woman can be.
In the holiday resorts there will always be people out to con people, its the nature, if you have little or no money and you see people on holiday spending money like they have loads to spare, you might be inclined to try and get some, and not in an not honest way, its really called survival.
A lot of the people who work in the resorts don’t earn a great deal and most the money is sent home to their family and when the season ends some don’t work till the following season. Some see holidaymakers as easy prey and take advantage. Some just enjoy the women and enjoy the gifts that come along with them.
Be careful, ask around see who know this person. Beware though the guys look out for each other and won’t gossip, but there are always people who will, there are expats or regular visitors to a resort who will know them.
You would do this if you met a guy back home, you would ask your friends if they know him, get to know his friends and in time you learn about him.
Your relationship with a Turkish Man is no different to one with any man from home, you make sure he treats you the way you expect and don’t listen to him when he says its a culture thing, state your rules if he loves you he will stick to them.
When it comes to money, if he doesn’t have much don’t expect much, but don’t expect to pay either, make him pay or go halfs but don’t get roped into paying for everything. Would you do that for a guy back home? If yes fine, if no, why do it?
Don’t loan money, don’t go into business without consulting an independent lawyer. Put in the safety nets as you would back home. Don’t close your eyes and ignore the signs, no matter how much you love him.
If you are serious about each other its good to go meet the family. Turkish people are all about family. If you are serious about each other then meeting the family is an obvious step. It might mean going to their home but you will find out more about the guy and what he is really like.
My husband took me to meet his parents the week we started dating, that was a bit scary but at the same time he was showing me how much he loved me.
Get him to meet your family and friends, they are less involved and might spot something you don’t, listen to their concerns and take their advice. Don’t get defensive and upset they are looking out for you, you don’t have to take their advice.
Just watch out for signs that he is not 100% don’t wear your rose tinted glasses, visit him outside of the season during the winter, talk as much as you can online. Take it slowly don’t rush into to things, if he loves you he will wait.
It took us 5 years before we got married, we talked every day online, we met up as often as we could. He was teaching in Van so we could only meet during the school holidays, but apart from during Army we talked everyday online via skype and hotmail.
It wasn’t easy you have to have a lot of trust in each other remember its a two way thing, he has to trust you to.
But if you are going to start a relationship you have to start in a place of trust or there is no point. You have to treat your Partner as the person he is and the person you know, you can’t treat him like the typical stereotypes you see in the Women’s Mags where a disgruntled women is outing her love rat.
How would you like it if he treated you like the stereotypical Brit or American? You wouldn’t and you wouldn’t hang around either.
Culture is a huge part of Turkish life and it can cause its problems. Like how you dress, or maybe how you act. Your man may be religious and want you to convert. But you have to discuss these things and make the decisions that you are happy with and find compromises with each other just as you would with someone from home.
Would you let a guy from home push you around? But at the same time you can’t just say its my way or the highway. Relationships are about finding the middle ground or sometimes giving way to the other person.
We have had plenty bumps in the road with Culture issues but we have found our way of dealing with these and making sure both of us are happy. Sometimes you have to do things to make your Man happy or he had to do something to make you happy. But never let him bully you because of his Culture or Family thats not fair.
As I always say if its meant to be it will be. Be careful, don’t treat him different to how you would any other boyfriend, expect your standards and rules to be met. Don’t throw cash and presents at him, you don’t need to buy him.
But most of all relax, give him your trust and see where it goes, its not the end of the world if it doesn’t work, it might hurt like hell at the time, but at least you tried and you are not left with any what ifs!
What’s your advice about going into a relationship with a Turkish Man?
© 2013 – 2015, Kerry Arslan. All rights reserved.