I was unsure of writing this article for many reasons. The biggest being was that I didn’t want to sound like I was the first person this had ever happened to and that I sound sorry for myself.
But then I thought it is something many women avoid truly speaking about from the heart and sharing their experience and I hope by writing about Miscarriage maybe it will help others.
Just over 3 weeks ago I had a miscarriage I was around 6 weeks pregnant and had only just officially found out that I was pregnant by literally a day I already knew within myself that I was. The next day the bleeding started, I had already read that I could expect some spotting and that some women do experience bleeding in the early stages of pregnancy.
What worried me was the pink to bright red of the blood and the pain’s that I was having in my stomach; they were stronger than what I normally experience during my normal monthly course and mostly to one side of my stomach. As the day drew on it became clear that what I was experiencing was a miscarriage.
Now many will tell you that as I was only just 6 weeks that what I was losing was not a baby but just a mass of cells and that it was better it happened now than it happening later into the pregnancy. Both of which I must agree with, but which did not make me feel any better.
The other factor was that we had not been trying for a child, making the whole pregnancy an unexpected thing to happen, let alone to then miscarriage a day after we knew 100% that I was pregnant.
I and most people would probably agree that as I had only just found out and that it was so early on that I would be spared the emotional turmoil that is associated with Miscarriage. I was wrong. After I visited the Doctor and it was confirmed that I had lost the child the sadness that came over me was very unexpected. I then did what most do, is put a brave face on; I pretended that it didn’t matter and that it was better to happen now and not later.
But a few hours later I was still having a fair bit of pain from cramps and my emotional state took over, at first I just felt sad and upset and then the anger set in, not screaming or shouting but I just felt angry and my poor husband could do nothing right. I took to the sofa and watched endless films to numb my mind, I ignored the house work and my husband, I just wanted to curl up and lock myself away from the world.
3 days later I decided I had to get out of this melancholy and get on with life, it was not the end of the world and there are other people who depend on me and need me to present in both my life and theirs. So I picked myself up and got on with things But it didn’t drive away the sadness, it felt as if I had lost a real person not just a bundle of cells and not only that I had, had only a true 24 hours to accept my pregnancy.
3 weeks on and I find the miscarriage is still in the back of my mind and if I allow myself to think about it, I still feel sad. But in life we can’t on dwell on what was not to be,we must live in the present and focus on the future. I am sure in another month’s time it will not cross my mind and I will have blocked out the pain and hurt the miscarriage caused me.
I am sure some day in the near future we will be parents and that child will be so very much loved.
© 2010 – 2015, Kerry Arslan. All rights reserved.