You have met your the love of your life, he has asked you to marry him and then out of the blue bam! He asks you will you convert to Islam, it would please his family! You are unsure what to think, is this a deal breaker, will he not marry me if I don’t convert,will his family hate me if I don’t convert, then you think I don’t want to convert to Islam but what should I do.
This is a question asked over and over, will you convert to Islam before or after we marry?
What I am about to tell you and talk about is from my own learning and understanding of things and for those that are more learned than me on this topic please do share and I am also going to share my view point on this.
Firstly it is Haram (wrong) to force anyone to convert to Islam, it goes against the Koran and no one should ever force you to convert. Secondly, if you are a man marrying a Muslim girl there will be more pressure as it is seen that the children take the mans religion and not that of the women. So for women who are non Muslim marrying Muslim men there should be no pressure.
And as I have already said there shouldn’t be any pressure as it is haram to pressure someone to convert to Islam.
However, lets live in the real world, of course for some there will be pressure to convert, often it is not your partner who wishes you to convert but his family. They want to make sure that you are of their religion, that their grandchildren are raised as Muslim and the last part is it is thought that if you convert someone to Islam the reward is you go to paradise (heaven) and so does that persons direct family. This part I think is a bit hazy and from what I have read, they also must continue to be good Muslims and do good deeds its not exactly the golden ticket to heaven.
Should you convert to please your Partner and family?
No, you shouldn’t, because religion is a personal matter and you must believe and understand the faith in which you are converting to, to do so its just to make an empty promise or tell a lie.
Though sometimes that lie has to be made, many have converted to keep the peace in the family as their husband is happy for them not to practise Islam but needs to make the show to please his family.
But be prepared to live the lie forever!
If I convert to Islam will I have to wear a headscarf?
No, you don’t but it is customary to cover and dress modestly but again this is part of your own personal choice and at no point should you feel pressure or be made to wear it and you should really think hard if someone is forcing you to do so.
What should I do if my partner is insisting on me converting?
I think if your partner is insisting on you to convert, then he is basiclly forcing you to convert to Islam and you both need to have a serious discussion about the issue and if you don’t want to convert and know you never will convert, you have to make this clear and you may need to rethink your relationship together, because if this is something that your partner insists then it will be forever an issue between you both and his family.
You both need to decided, if you will both be happy if you remain unconverted and will his family accept you. This type of issue can eat away at a relationship and destroy it.
Because if your partner insists you convert and practise then to do so through pressure means you will be forever unhappy.
I want to convert to Islam, what happens?
You have decided that you would like to convert to Islam, my suggestion is first you make sure you have learned all you can and understand as much as you can, talk to others who have converted and know you are making an informed decision.
Then talk to your family about your decision and make sure they understand it is your decision and you are not being forced or pressured in anyway.
Then your Turkish family will most likely organise for the Imam to come to the house you will recite a short prayer and the Imam will also say a few prayers and that is all that will happen.
A very simple and short service. You will of course be required to dress modestly and wear a headscarf as you would during prayer.
Overall it has to be your decision and that you want to convert to Islam, if you are being pressured or forced you need to ask some serious questions and decide if this relationship is right for you. Don’t convert just to please everyone as it is just a lie and you will need to live with it for the rest of your life. If it is something you want to consider take time to learn all you can and make an informed decision.
Have you converted I would love to you hear your thoughts on this and for those that haven’t converted have you had any issues?
© 2014 – 2015, Kerry Arslan. All rights reserved.