Feeling Shell Shocked, Missing Turkey & My Husband

Today is two weeks since we left Turkey for the UK. I’ve felt a bit shell shocked, uncertain and missing my husband and home.

Coming home for a visit feels completely different to coming back to the UK permanently. When you are just visiting you know you are returning to Turkey, you are busy seeing friends and family, being a bit of a tourist and shopping for all the things you miss to take home to Turkey with you.

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I have no return date this time, there is no need to rush around and catch up with everyone and enjoy shopping for all the things you miss. No need to eat all the take outs you miss and visit all your old haunts. This time I am here for good and I can take my time on eating all my favourites and catching up with friends and family and visiting my favourite places. This time I need to get a job and starting working on my business the reason for being here. I need to restart my life here in the UK all over again.

Yet, it kind of feels like I just woke up from a very long dream, where I dreamt I spent 5 years in Turkey and when I woke up the world was just the same. Staying with my parents means I wake up in my childhood room, and go down in the morning to greet my parents. But it’s not the same, I am not the same.

Now I am a mother with a little boy to take care of, get to nursery and make sure his life isn’t completely disrupted with the move. I am a wife, with a husband 1000’s of miles away, who is missing us both just as much as we miss him. I have lived in another country for 5 years and it has changed my outlook on life, my thoughts and ideas. I have changed and how I see everything has changed.

I also notice the subtle changes that tell you you’ve been away. People have gone, people have gotten older, had kids, changed jobs, been married, divorced and so on. Shops and buildings have changed and been built. Life has changed and altered in the UK. Though the TV seems to be exactly the same…..

I am certainly not the girl from a small town in Scotland anymore, I am more than that now…

The hardest part is missing my Husband and my Son missing his Daddy. How we would have loved to have started this journey with him, how different this would all feel if he was allowed to come with us and start our new life here in the UK together. Yet until we are in the position to apply for my Husbands visa to live with us, we will have to live apart. (thank you UK Gov!)

We have fallen easily into the routine of a long distance relationship, yet it is entirely different from those early years, when it was romantic and fun. Now we are a family who’s only way of connecting is via Skype, it’s hard for my Husband missing out on life with his Son and the same for goes for my Son missing out on time with his Daddy. We have become a skype family in a matter of weeks and I do hope it never becomes normal for us….

Then there is home, I miss quirky little Demre, with it’s sea of poly tunnels and then the beautiful Mediterranean sea and miles of stone beach and the beautiful suluklu beach, with the shallow bay and sandy beach. I miss having my own home, our routines and life together. I miss the fresh fruit and veg, kindly neighbours and friends. I miss our life there.

2 weeks have felt like 2 months since we left. But despite the the things we miss, and missing my husband, we made a decision to try life here in the UK and for me to start my new business. We are here with a purpose and reason. We have to accept our new realities and work towards making the changes to our lives for the better. I hope it won’t be long till my husband can be here and we can be together again. And Turkey is just a flight away and hopefully I will be visiting real soon….

© 2015 – 2016, Kerry Arslan. All rights reserved.

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7 Responses to “Feeling Shell Shocked, Missing Turkey & My Husband”

  1. 20th October 2015

    Ozlem's Turkish Table Reply

    Merhaba dear Kerry, I feel your pain.. do hope you can reunite with your husband soon, do take care. Please send me a note whenever you like, happy to call you to say hi; hopefully all will resolve in good time, cok selam ve sevgiler, Ozlem x

    • 23rd October 2015

      Kerry Arslan Reply

      Thank you Ozlem, so appreciated. Yes I will get in touch and maybe we meet some day soon. Kerry

  2. 20th October 2015

    Susan Reply

    I know what that is like because we moved from New Jersey to North Carolina 11 years ago and my husband had to stay at his job in NYC until he found a good job in NC. We lived apart for 16 months. It was hardest on my two daughters who missed their baba. We survived and it made or relationship even stronger. I hope you can be reunited with your husband soon and start your new life together. Good luck with your new business!

    • 23rd October 2015

      Kerry Arslan Reply

      It is really hard on the kids as they have to try and understand where Dad has gone. My Son is used to holidaying in the UK without Dad but I wonder in a month or so how it will be. And it’s hard on my husband missing out though I do my best to keep him in the loop. It certainly does make you stronger, we survived the long distance bit before and we will again. On wards and upwards…

  3. 20th October 2015

    Svetlana Reply

    Dear Kerry, you brought tears to my eyes with this post. I know how you must be feeling, as someone who was forced to leave home, due to the war in Bosnia, and come to the UK 23 years ago. Here I miss things from home, and when I am home, I miss things from here. But we are enriched by living in different cultures, and that is an enormous benefit. I hope your husband joins you very soon, and you all find a happy new life in the UK. Good luck to us all at these turbulent times!

    • 23rd October 2015

      Kerry Arslan Reply

      Svetlana, I can not imagine how hard it had to be for you to leave during that time. It certainly does not compare to what I am doing and yet it is nice that we share that empathy. I certainly agree on the different cultures and how they change and enrich our life. I am much changed from like in Turkey and I hope for the better. Thank you for your message.

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