Today is two weeks since we left Turkey for the UK. I’ve felt a bit shell shocked, uncertain and missing my husband and home.
Coming home for a visit feels completely different to coming back to the UK permanently. When you are just visiting you know you are returning to Turkey, you are busy seeing friends and family, being a bit of a tourist and shopping for all the things you miss to take home to Turkey with you.
I have no return date this time, there is no need to rush around and catch up with everyone and enjoy shopping for all the things you miss. No need to eat all the take outs you miss and visit all your old haunts. This time I am here for good and I can take my time on eating all my favourites and catching up with friends and family and visiting my favourite places. This time I need to get a job and starting working on my business the reason for being here. I need to restart my life here in the UK all over again.
Yet, it kind of feels like I just woke up from a very long dream, where I dreamt I spent 5 years in Turkey and when I woke up the world was just the same. Staying with my parents means I wake up in my childhood room, and go down in the morning to greet my parents. But it’s not the same, I am not the same.
Now I am a mother with a little boy to take care of, get to nursery and make sure his life isn’t completely disrupted with the move. I am a wife, with a husband 1000’s of miles away, who is missing us both just as much as we miss him. I have lived in another country for 5 years and it has changed my outlook on life, my thoughts and ideas. I have changed and how I see everything has changed.
I also notice the subtle changes that tell you you’ve been away. People have gone, people have gotten older, had kids, changed jobs, been married, divorced and so on. Shops and buildings have changed and been built. Life has changed and altered in the UK. Though the TV seems to be exactly the same…..
I am certainly not the girl from a small town in Scotland anymore, I am more than that now…
The hardest part is missing my Husband and my Son missing his Daddy. How we would have loved to have started this journey with him, how different this would all feel if he was allowed to come with us and start our new life here in the UK together. Yet until we are in the position to apply for my Husbands visa to live with us, we will have to live apart. (thank you UK Gov!)
We have fallen easily into the routine of a long distance relationship, yet it is entirely different from those early years, when it was romantic and fun. Now we are a family who’s only way of connecting is via Skype, it’s hard for my Husband missing out on life with his Son and the same for goes for my Son missing out on time with his Daddy. We have become a skype family in a matter of weeks and I do hope it never becomes normal for us….
Then there is home, I miss quirky little Demre, with it’s sea of poly tunnels and then the beautiful Mediterranean sea and miles of stone beach and the beautiful suluklu beach, with the shallow bay and sandy beach. I miss having my own home, our routines and life together. I miss the fresh fruit and veg, kindly neighbours and friends. I miss our life there.
2 weeks have felt like 2 months since we left. But despite the the things we miss, and missing my husband, we made a decision to try life here in the UK and for me to start my new business. We are here with a purpose and reason. We have to accept our new realities and work towards making the changes to our lives for the better. I hope it won’t be long till my husband can be here and we can be together again. And Turkey is just a flight away and hopefully I will be visiting real soon….
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