Surviving a Long Distance Relationship with your Turkish Partner may seem a huge mountain to climb. Being back home in Scotland has brought back memories of when I was dating hubby and trying to survive a long distance relationship with him. We have now been together for 7 years and 5 of those including the 1st year of our marriage, we were living apart, me in Scotland and hubby in Turkey.
You would never choose to have a long distance relationship but love has no rules and you can’t help who you fall for and that can mean they are a few thousand miles away.
During the time we were dating if I added up all the time were where physically in the same place together, it would probably add up to about 1 year altogether. Not much time at all to spend with each other before taking the plunge.
The rest of the time we spent apart. Using the Internet as a way to stay in touch with Skype, the now obsolete MSN Messenger, email and phone to chat each day. We were one of those couples who spoke every day for an hour or so, catching up on the day and just hanging out online together, sharing music, talking about the News and any other topic that came up.
During our long distance relationship we spent a lot of time talking to each other and this helped us learn a lot about each other, that I think otherwise we would still be learning or may never know. You find yourself telling more about your past and connecting on another level you may miss otherwise.
In lots of ways I was very glad to have the distance and also for the time it took us to tie the knot. We didn’t just say we are in love and have to be with each and just jump in and hope for the best. I hear many stories like this where it didn’t work out and I think mainly its to do with not getting to know each other first.
The problem being is one of you has to move to that persons country and try and make a life there and if your relationship isn’t strong enough first, it can put a lot of strain on your relationship and end up ending. Its good to slow down and not rush in blind, your not in an ordinary relationship where if you break up, you just move on there is a lot of commitment when you have to move countries to be together.
We built a very strong foundation through our crazy long distance relationship and now we feel we can survive just about anything that is thrown our way. This past year has shown that, despite the problems we have had, our strong foundation and dedication to each is proving to make this relationship a strong and lasting one.
Surviving a long distance relationship is not easy it takes a lot of work from both sides. You have to be dedicated to each other and have a huge amount of Trust in each other. Trust has to be there in any relationship but you can’t have any doubts in a long distance relationship or its almost doomed from the start.
If you don’t have the Trust in each other you mind can start spiralling out of control with questions like, Where is he? Who’s he with? Whats he doing? Can I trust him? Does he really love me? And so on. Once these thoughts get going it can be hard to rein them back and can cause a lot of conflict that can’t be healed with a hug or a kiss because your so far apart.
Communication is the next key thing, again another key ingredient in any relationship but this becomes one of the most important in a long distance relationship. He can’t see if your in a huff or sense your mood (most men can’t even tell if they are right next to you) so you can imagine how hard it is for him being a few thousands miles and only chatting on Skype or through email.
A lot of miscommunication happens especially with the written word, you write something as a joke but because they can’t see your facial expressions and body language they might not get it and the next thing you know your in the middle of an argument. This happened a few times with us till we figured out where we were going wrong. You kind of need to shout “Bazinger” (hope your Big Bang fans) and let them know its a joke before you send it.
The other issue is of course the language barrier when something you say doesn’t translate the way you hoped it would and it can cause a lot of upset.
It so easy to get yourself in a bit of tangle when you are not there in person to express yourself, not only in your words but in your body language as well. As you get to know each other better you will start to understand each other and the easier it all becomes.
Doing little things the same as each other or together, like watching the same movie or reading the same book at the same time can be fun and gives you things to talk about and helps to build a strong connection and that feeling of togetherness. We liked to play backgammon online together, shared music and books we were reading. Though hubby never did read Harry Potter!!
I used to keep a note of important holiday dates, birthdays and special days in Turkey and send little text messages on those days and found ways to celebrate the days with him even though we were apart. These were nice little gestures that helped us along our way.
To stop the time apart feeling endless plan your next meet up, deciding where you will go and do it helps to give you focus on when you will see each other next and helps make the time apart easier knowing you will see each other soon.
Try not to be to negative when ever you chat, its good to be able to tell your other half about your day and get your problems off your chest, but its also important to be as up beat and positive as you can. Remember you mostly likely only have a short time together each day or week and you want those times to be enjoyable and light, so you don’t both feel weighed down with each others problems every time you end your chat.
One more tip is to remember your not there you don’t know what’s happening in the then and now, you can’t berate him if he is late for call and then not listen to his reason. You can’t say he has to be online to talk to you and not go out with his friends to play Okey. Its hard not to become controlling when you can’t see your other half and if the doubts creep in it can be hard to relax. But its important you keep living your life, hanging out with friends, working and so on and the same for him. You will both be happier people.
You can read lots of information online about long distance relationships the good and the bad, you can read my article and find ways forward but at the end of the day you have to build your own relationship together your way. You don’t have to chat everyday, you don’t have to be constantly texting. But you have to do the things that are right for you both.
In this day and age we are very lucky with the way in which we communicate, I admire those that had to do all this when there wasn’t such things as Skype and only snail mail and the phone. That must have been a real test of a relationship and I take my hat off to any of you out there that survived a long distance relationship in the communication dark age 😉
Overall a I think a long distance relationship is a real test on a couple and find outs if you are really meant to be. If that person is your destiny then you will last and build a life together in the future. Always remember you must communicate well and trust each other without doubt. Find things in common you can do together while a part and plan the time when you will next meet.
We tested our relationship and we have gone full circle again with me in the UK and hubby in Turkey. Chatting online and reliving our early days, but it has shown us we are resilient and have a lasting love that hopefully can survive anything.
I hope all those in a long distance relationship the best of luck.
Are you trying to Surviving a Long Distance Relationship with your Turkish Partner? or have you Survivied? I would love to hear from you if your in a long distance relationship, survived one or one that failed and tell us your experiences.
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