Dating a Turkish Man | Should I Trust my Turkish Boyfriend

A question often asked is how do I know if the Turkish Man I am dating is genuine and not a love rat.  Dating a Turkish Man can open up a lot of Questions and Worries.

When I first started dating my husband I was well aware of the so called Love Rats or as I prefer conmen. I went into the relationship with my eyes wide o

turkishboyfriend

pen. I knew about the scams and I knew what went on around the holiday resorts.

This is the time of year when many women are trying to decide if they should follow their hearts and commit to their Turkish Boyfriend.

How do you know he is genuine? How do you know he is not just wanting a visa? How do you know if he is not just after money?

When I started dating my husband I explained to him that I had little worries and that I never want him to ask me for anything. No money, no presents and no visa. If he wanted to come to the UK he would have to do so under his own steam.

He wasn’t happy that I was saying at this moment maybe I don’t trust you, but he Loved me and he stood by these requests and as the relationship grew the trust built and the worries went away.

Simple answer is you don’t, you don’t know if this man is genuine, but it doesn’t matter if he is Turkish, any man, any where in the world can be out to scam you, just as any woman can be.

In the holiday resorts there will always be people out to con people, its the nature, if you have little or no money and you see people on holiday spending money like they have loads to spare, you might be inclined to try and get some, and not in an not honest way, its really called survival.

A lot of the people who work in the resorts don’t earn a great deal and most the money is sent home to their family and when the season ends some don’t work till the following season. Some see holidaymakers as easy prey and take advantage. Some just enjoy the women and enjoy the gifts that come along with them.

Be careful, ask around see who know this person. Beware though the guys look out for each other and won’t gossip, but there are always people who will, there are expats or regular visitors to a resort who will know them.

 You would do this if you met a guy back home, you would ask your friends if they know him, get to know his friends and in time you learn about him.

Your relationship with a Turkish Man is no different to one with any man from home, you make sure he treats you the way you expect and don’t listen to him when he says its a culture thing, state your rules if he loves you he will stick to them.

When it comes to money, if he doesn’t have much don’t expect much, but don’t expect to pay either, make him pay or go halfs but don’t get roped into paying for everything. Would you do that for a guy back home? If yes fine, if no, why do it?

Don’t loan money, don’t go into business without consulting an independent lawyer. Put in the safety nets as you would back home. Don’t close your eyes and ignore the signs, no matter how much you love him.

If you are serious about each other its good to go meet the family. Turkish people are all about family. If you are serious about each other then meeting the family is an obvious step. It might mean going to their home but you will find out more about the guy and what he is really like.

My husband took me to meet his parents the week we started dating, that was a bit scary but at the same time he was showing me how much he loved me.

Get him to meet your family and friends, they are less involved and might spot something you don’t, listen to their concerns and take their advice. Don’t get defensive and upset they are looking out for you, you don’t have to take their advice.

Just watch out for signs that he is not 100% don’t wear your rose tinted glasses, visit him outside of the season during the winter, talk as much as you can online. Take it slowly don’t rush into to things, if he loves you he will wait.

It took us 5 years before we got married, we talked every day online, we met up as often as we could. He was teaching in Van so we could only meet during the school holidays, but apart from during Army we talked everyday online via skype and hotmail.

It wasn’t easy you have to have a lot of trust in each other remember its a two way thing, he has to trust you to.

But if you are going to start a relationship you have to start in a place of trust or there is no point. You have to treat your Partner as the person he is and the person you know, you can’t treat him like the typical stereotypes you see in the Women’s Mags where a disgruntled women is outing her love rat.

How would you like it if he treated you like the stereotypical Brit or American? You wouldn’t and you wouldn’t hang around either.

Culture is a huge part of Turkish life and it can cause its problems. Like how you dress, or maybe how you act. Your man may be religious and want you to convert. But you have to discuss these things and make the decisions that you are happy with and find compromises with each other just as you would with someone from home.

Would you let a guy from home push you around? But at the same time you can’t just say its my way or the highway. Relationships are about finding the middle ground or sometimes giving way to the other person.

We have had plenty bumps in the road with Culture issues but we have found our way of dealing with these and making sure both of us are happy. Sometimes you have to do things to make your Man happy or he had to do something to make you happy. But never let him bully you because of his Culture or Family thats not fair.

As I always say if its meant to be it will be. Be careful, don’t treat him different to how you would any other boyfriend, expect your standards and rules to be met. Don’t throw cash and presents at him, you don’t need to buy him.

But most of all relax, give him your trust and see where it goes, its not the end of the world if it doesn’t work, it might hurt like hell at the time, but at least you tried and you are not left with any what ifs!

What’s your advice about going into a relationship with a Turkish Man?

© 2013 – 2015, Kerry Arslan. All rights reserved.

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70 Responses to “Dating a Turkish Man | Should I Trust my Turkish Boyfriend”

  1. 8th January 2013

    Jools 朱丽娅 Clowes Reply

    I guess one other main issue would be, if you are of a similar age, it is more likely to work.

  2. 8th January 2013

    Aimee Yazici Reply

    Great article!

  3. 8th January 2013

    Lyn Ince Reply

    Dating a turkish man What a wonderful artical Kerry. All though I met and married my hubby in 10 months! It is our 10th wedding anniversary in April and yes its give and take on both sides. And my extended family are wonderful. I’m one very lucky lady.

  4. 9th January 2013

    Ranee Bicakci Reply

    You are so spot on! I find myself getting extremely frustrated with girls/ladies/women who totally throw their normal expectations and level of acceptable treatment out the window when they meet a Turkish man. I also have said many times to people, if you wouldn’t accept it from a guy in your home country, why would it be ok just because he is Turkish. There are alot of compromises to get through in relation to culture, this is true, but if you love him and if he loves you, you will find a place where both of your needs are being met without the level of respect being damaged.

  5. 24th June 2013

    JPari Reply

    Thank you for this… I feel more confident now 🙂

  6. 16th August 2013

    kulit Reply

    hi.. I’ve been reading your article lately and just confused about turkish men.. i met a Turkish men in mobile apps for almost 3 months.. his from bursa and still goes to uni. i don’t know if he is really true from all he says.. for the past month we are always sending message everyday but lately he seem to forget me. he told me that he is busy at work his helping his uncle at office.. would that be enough excuse?

    • 4th September 2013

      Kerry Arslan Reply

      If you haven’t met him then how can you know his true nature. I think you should move on and find someone who you can trust and be with and not just chat with through an app!

  7. 5th September 2013

    Jen Reply

    Hi I have to say I dated a Rurkush man for over 3 years. He was still a student and I helped him alot but he never paid me back, empty promises etc. i am now in process of telling his family everything as he has cheated them too. They are respectable family and strict and what he has done is not acceptable. Please be careful, many of them are cheaters, i let love blind me 🙁

    • 10th September 2013

      Kerry Arslan Reply

      Jen I am sorry for your hurt and thank you for sharing your experience. I am sure you will recover and find someone who is really meant for you. I wish you all the best in your life x

      • 26th July 2014

        hafiz tariq mehmood Reply

        Hi……Arslan I am here from pakistan….want to marry with a turkish lady…can you help me in this regard?

      • 19th December 2014

        Roxanne Ruiz Reply

        I’m an American Hispanic Nicaragua and I’m with a Turkish man for over two years. I will finally visit him and meet him for the first time as well as his family. I will stay in his parents house with him for a whole month. My family is very skeptical and afraid of my well being, they think he is going to hurt me (they watch movies like “Not without my daughter and Taken 2) I however, am very happy and exited that I’m going across the otherside of the world and visit the person that I love, he is my dream come true. But it is hard to balance my family’s concern and my own happiness.

        • 20th December 2014

          Kim Reply

          hi Roxanne, i am in the same boat with you except that I also plan to marry my Turkish fiance (finally beginning our life together to make Turkey our home). Has your man met your family over Skype? And have you met his family this way also? This may help to ease some of your family concerns, also make sure they know all of the details for where you will be and how to contact you. Sometimes just feeling more included with an understanding of how to reach you can help family comfort levels. I Hope you respond because its nice to see someone else going through the same as me! Will you be near Istanbul?

          • 18th July 2016

            aL

            hi kim. i read ur story here. so u guys marry?nice to know u. cause l have same issue. this my mail: cumpharsy@gmail.com

  8. 5th September 2013

    Jen Reply

    Also he hurt me many times but again I truly lived him. My advice is to be careful

  9. 22nd September 2013

    francine Reply

    Hi I met a turkish boy 18th months ago online we exchanged phone numbers as he was in england working so after the first 5months he came 2 belfast to visit me me it was great he was so nice and made me laugh then I went 2 england 2 visit him last november n had a nice time and met his brother n wife n child they were realy nice 2 me, then he came back 2 belfast for 2 be with me for the new year and he stayed 5wks it was ok but he didn’t want 2 do much only lye in bed and was constintly on his phone I could feel he was talkn with some1 else I was getn realy frustrated an d told him he needed 2 go back 2 england and work as he was living of me n my mum who I care for, so he went back in feb the 6th and I found out I was pregnant 2days later, I told him n he told me he wasn’t ready and if I realy loved him I would abort our baby, but I cudnt do this so he deleted me out of his life n changed his number n also blocked me of fb, I was devastated but I jst had 2 get on with things so at my 3 month scan in march my baby had died I was so hurt n also releived as I could get on with my life, so suddenly after no contact for 3 months he contacted through a fake fb but I knew it was him and I told him 2 leave me alone but he startd calling me. Telling me he made the biggest mistake of his life and if he won me back he swore on his god he would never leave me again so I decided 2 give him another chance as I loved him so much even though he hurt me sooo bad anyway he moved 2 london and and I kept asking questions n he kept telling me I was making problem every time but I was so paranoid because of what he done b4, 1 day 3wks ago I told him I could not have relationship as it was so hard 2 trust again but I didn’t realy mean it I just wantd him 2 fight for me as he told me I was his life his everything and he wantd me 2 be his wife but he didn’t he let me go and has jst been getn on with his life like I was nothing but he wud cal now and again n tell me I’ll always love u n I’ll never forget me so why does he let me go iv been crying everyday because he told me he would never leave me again, what should I do??

  10. 24th September 2013

    WellSwimmer Reply

    Sounds very familiar. I too would like to know why a man who professes undying love and expends enormous amounts of energy trying to move the two of you towards a future would suddenly disappear from your life as if you never existed?

    I love this country, but my one and only involvement with a Turkish man has left me broken and confused. What should you do? So I can see your situation clearly from the outside… My question: Why on earth would you WANT a man who deserted you when you became pregnant with his child?

    There is something about some of these men that makes them experts at manipulation and engendering your love. So easy to fall for them and so difficult to get over. Some men in Turkey are honorable and trustworthy, more are not – much like any country. It doesn’t sound like your man is exactly full of integrity and honor. I am working on my own devastating heartbreak now. My advice…. DO NOT ENGAGE any further with this man. You will only undergo further heartache in the future. There are literally thousands of web sites with advice about how to get over a breakup. Do the work honey and move on with your life.

    • 28th November 2013

      LanaM Reply

      Sound VERY familiar………..I am getting over my heartbreak, which was harder than anything I experienced for a looong time. I fell in love with Turkey a while ago, and am seriously thinking of moving there in the spring, but my “friendship” with a Turkish man has left me in need of serious help. Where to start? First of all, I am a mature woman, independent, with a great job, good education. I am, usually, very careful who I give my time to, not to mention emotions, but this man made me so easily fall for him, and I can not seem to be able to get over him. How could he have manipulated me so easily, I have trouble understanding…….These games he played, hot-cold, one day he makes you so happy, other day he crashes you, without a second thought; I was exhausted at the end of it, and I still wasn’t able to stop the contact; endless subtle requests for money, for various things, insults, demeaning comments…it all amounted to me losing my confidence, love for myself, respect for myself……..
      I am slowly recovering now, and I still find myself missing him, but I know that it is over, and I pray that he doesn’t contact me again, as it would take an enormous amount of self control to refuse contact!
      If I was reading about this before it happened to me, I would have, probably, been very judgmental, and critical of women falling for these kind of guys, but now, I understand. It is like a spell they put on you! And I know, it is not just Turkish guys behaving like this, I grew up by the sea in a country where we called men like this, the seagulls. These men have no moral, no loyalty and no mercy.
      Enriched by this painful experience, trying not to be resentful of other men, and ready to fall in love with the right person, who after all might be another Turk, who knows………

      • 4th December 2013

        Kerry Arslan Reply

        Give yourself time to heal, and take what you can from your experience and your right its not just Turkish men there are some good ones 🙂 You sound sensible and that you are on the right path. I think we all love a bad boy and he sounds just like that. I hope you find a good man in your future. All the best.

  11. 25th September 2013

    francine Reply

    Ty he contacted me last night again n told me how much he loved n missed me n to give him a few days 2 think about us getn back together n blew me kisses dwn the phn then jst now he send me a mess sayn we don’t understand eachother n if we tryd again we still wudnt understand so y does he stil want 2 keep contact with me I’m crying so much n he knows I’m hurting n I can’t delete him its so hard because he keeps teln me mixed feelings I’m so confuseddd :((((

    • 1st October 2013

      Kerry Arslan Reply

      Hi Francine, sorry I haven’t replied to you sooner. It sounds a horrible situation. What I would say is forget he is Turkish, would you let a local guy treat you this way? Always remember to have respect for yourself and stick to your values, this is a relationship like any other relationship, if it doesn’t feel right then most likely it isn’t. If you want to fight for it and think this is the man for you then you fight. But if your gut instinct is telling you something else listen to it.

      I will be straight with you, if a man, any man treated me the way he is treating you I wouldn’t be putting up with. Either lay down some laws or walk away. But don’t let me hurt you in this way.

  12. 1st October 2013

    francine Reply

    Ty kerry for ur reply, iv finished with him n yes I did think he loved me as he cryed n begged me 2 go back 2 him but I realise now that it wud never have worked espeacialy after the baby I think I was jst vunerable at the time n was thinkn with my heart n not my head iv put my wall back up n its gona take an amazing man 2 earn my trust again n no I wudnt let any man treat me the way he did but he was so good at playn with my heart because he knew I truely loved him but thank god I’m getn there now n its ok at the min times a great healer n ty again :))

  13. 6th January 2014

    Teacher Tamz Reply

    Be strong , reach for the stars..you deserve the best.. Chin up and put that smile back on your face 😀

  14. 30th March 2014

    Maryann Reply

    I been talkinh to turkish man at first he said that his wife left him, come to find out she is still with him. And he then start telling me hes in love eith me its only been 5 months he tell me to come to turkey to vist for 2 weeks and he said i would have to buy the plane ticket i asked him to pay half he keep saing hes a poor man, i do like him alot what should i do RUN

    • 30th March 2014

      Kerry Arslan Reply

      Marryann, I think you may have answered your own question. Why would you want to get involved with someone who is married and not even separated. First you become a mistress, do you want that? Then you will most likely end up breaking your heart and also his wife’s heart. Think long and hard about this Marry Ann and what you are walking into. Would you do this with a man from home? Good luck and I do hope you find happiness xx

  15. 30th March 2014

    IEF Reply

    Hi. I have known a Turkish guy past 6 months..we met on line…he is in Turkey and I am in Africa…he is working for a very well known company in turkey and holds a good job….his company is trying to open a company here in africa.. I have been helping him with business related issues (not money) he has been to africa sometime in january..unfortunately we could not meet as I had traveled..we have been constantly chating….and skyping…like from morninb to evening everyday we see each other on skype even though we dont chat as we busy at work.in the night he calls for almost 3 hours…he is intending to move here in a month or so to take care of the new company that they are opening. We are planning to get married in another few more months…I have not met his family but I have seen pictures….he is older to me (41) two days back he said that he needs a loan from me..about 200 usd.. I find it very strange.. I have been reading alot about turkish men..and this got me thinking..does he realy want to settle down with me….or is he just usin me for opportunitu… soo confused

    • 30th March 2014

      Kerry Arslan Reply

      IEF, my question to most people is, would you give money to a man from home after only knowing them briefly, never mind someone you only know online?

      He may be genunine but I would be saying that for you to trust him 100% he can’t ask you for money. For me personally I think its a bad thing for a man to ask for money. Also is that really what you want at the start of a relationship?

      The next bit I would question, do you have to marry so quickly you don’t know each other, I am not saying it’s wrong but do you think you should meet face to face and slow things down a little and find out more about him.

      I think you have to think about things, if it feels wrong then normally it is wrong our gut instincts are normally right.

      Play it safe, don’t send the money if he reacts badly then you know, if he is ok with it then maybe he is genuine. Any way good luck with it all, relationships are never easy especially those formed online, its easy to be someone your not.

  16. 30th March 2014

    IEF Reply

    He said that he would pay the money back….I have not sent him yet…could this be a test that he is tryin to find out if I can support him if he falls…. or… he is 41 years of age..very matured…he Is jelous….I am a catholic and he is muslim but not religious..he is ok with my religion and we both will remain with our own religions after we get married… but I am so confused…. why does he need just 200 usd…. I mean he can easily ask a friend…when I asked him ehy he needs he said that he doesnt have any money…

  17. 12th May 2014

    SPZ Reply

    Hi Kerry,

    I have been with a Turkish guy for about almost 2-3 months now. I am a Chinese Singaporean,19 and he’s 18. He has been living in Singapore for about 9 years as he followed his Dad here for business. This is my second r/s, my first was with a Chinese. He introduced me to his family. His whole family is currently here in Singapore. He know my friends and I know his friends too.

    I am having some problems in our r/s because I have no idea why is he behaving this way.. I wonder if it is just Turkish guys in general because I don’t see these problems in other guys.

    He gets annoyed when I ask him questions and he doesn’t really answer me. Yet, when he ask me questions, he expect to get an answer. He thinks he is right most of the time and he wants me to listen to him. Whenever there is an argument/quarrel, I am those type that will try to talk things out nicely and hoping my partner would understand vice versa. However, every time when I am talking, he doesn’t really try to listen and understand what is the actual problem most of the time. I told him explicitly things that I do not like him to do, things that I want him to do (e.g give me a hug immediately when I am sad, hold me close to him most of the time etc) he doesn’t really do them even if I told him explicitly. To him, he remembers those time that I am sad and I cried because of him and he said that when I am sad/crying, he feel so useless. I don’t know what to do… I am so confused. But I don’t know why even if he is doing these to me, I can’t help to to fall deeper into him (Probably like what many forums had said, Turkish guys have certain charms..) He is kind of dirty-minded and kinky too. I feel that he is most serious when we are having sex, other than that, i feel that he isn’t..

    Sometimes when were are quarrelling/talking things out, he will just laugh it off. I don’t know what does that means. Is he not being serious about it?? I have read other forums and some Turkish guys does that to their partners too.. So I don’t know what does that means.

    He told me that I am behaving like a kid/baby when I am angry/sad because I will just get very quiet and not talk. He wants me to tell I’m that I am angry/sad. Isn’t guys supposed to be sensitive to this type of things. (I mean I do know that sometimes guys are not aware of things like this) Also, adding on to that, he doesn’t apologise to me unless I tell him to even if he did something wrong/i am angry/sad because of him. He says “Why do you like me to apologise so much?”

    Also many forums said that many Turkish guys are not into relationships/not serious in their relationships, they just want to have fun while the relationship last.. I know that I should not generalise but that’s what I feel right now when I am with him.

    I need him so much but i just feel that he is not really there for me. It is kind of driving me insane because I know that I need him so much yet he is doing things which left me confused/sad/angry. He told me “He would never leave me unless him.” But i really don’t know about that… because I asked him “Will you ever get sick of me?” His reply was “I am not sick of you but it doesn’t mean I won’t in the future.” When I heard that, my heart literally shattered.. I don’t know how to respond except to be quiet and let tears rolled down my cheeks.

    I do have happy times with him too (not just problems which I mentioned above) and I treasure them a lot. During those happy times, I am so thankful that I’ve got him.

    I would hear some thoughts from you. Hoping your words/insights could let me look at things from different perspectives and probably help it our relationship..

    Thank you.

    • 3rd June 2014

      Kerry Arslan Reply

      SPZ, I am going to be very blunt with you. If this was a local boy would you let him treat you in this way? Do you want to be treated like this everyday for the rest of your life?

      Are there more happy times than bad times or are there more bad?

      Ask yourself these questions and answer them truthfully.

      Don’t think of him as Turkish, think of him as a man, this isn’t about his culture this is about how he is. Your both young you should be having fun and enjoy life and relationships not worrying about these things.

      Think long and hard about this relationship and see if its what you really want, because you won’t change him this is who he is.

      Sorry I can’t give you something positive about this. I can only be honest with you. Message me anytime happy to chat x

  18. 15th June 2014

    Alex Shushan Reply

    Hi everybody. I wanna share my bad experience with turkish man.

    Tahir Ure – turkish love rat. He is 34, lives in Bodrum.
    He is a fraud and liar.
    Married with english woman. Has a dauther.

    I met him last year in hotel Ambrosia in Bitez.
    Now he works in gumbet in Beach House Cafe. He always told me that he is in love with me that will live together all our lifes.

    But then he start to ask me for money. First his father passed away, then his brother comes to prison, then he had to pay big borrow to his bank.
    Yes i was in love and i was stuped and i belived in all his stories, and gave him money.
    After six month of dating i realized that i’m not the only girl whom he talked about his love. He had a lot of girls and he tell to all of them about his love. And i asked him to back me my money.
    Tahir Ure told me to get out of his life, he started threaten my family, he told me that he can hurt my mother. Also he asked his friends in my city to threaten me. So i had to ask for help in the hotel where i met this guy.
    After it Tahir was fired from Ambrosia hotel.

    After all that story he wanted to stay ok with me.
    He asked me to marry him, but he told me that he is already married and i have to pay for his devorce paipers. He is hiding that he has a wife and a dauther from his lovers.
    When I told him that i lost my job and cant pay for his devorse or give him more money, he finished our relationships.

    So be carefull, Tahir Ure is a love rat. He is just turkish gigolo, he pretending love, he tell u sweet words just to get ur money.
    And he could be dangerous for u and ur family.
    He still working in tourism in the Beach House Cafe Bodrum.

  19. 9th July 2014

    Victoria Reply

    Hello! I’m from Norway, I’m 18 and got a turkish boyfriend. He’s 20 and from Istanbul, temporary working in Alanya where I met him for a couple of months ago. I’ve been very insecure about the relationship from day one, because I did not plan on falling in love when I was down there, this mostly because of the rumors about the Turkish guys down there having new girls and women every night. So it was just a casual summer flirt for me when I was down there to begin with, I tried to keep my distance because I was afraid to get hurt. He asked me out for breakfast, and when we went out to eat, he refused me to pay for anything. He met my parents and asked my for my father’s permission to go out with me, and he never kissed me or was too clingy around my family. I were out one night were he worked and I danced with some other Turkish students, I’ve never seen a guy so jealous before. It has been a couple of months since I leaved, and I thought that he was going to cut the contact, I was so sure even though I had fallen for him. I have been expecting the worst from the beginning. But we have been talking every day since. On skype, facebook and every other place which is possible. He uses photos of us on every account he got on the internet. He said to me that he wanted a serious relationship, and if I didn’t want that then it was good bye. So we are talking every day from 2-6 hours a day. I’ve been talking to his brother and he wants me to meet his family. I’m going back in September and he’s coming to Norway in the winter if everything works out well. After that I will go to Istanbul to meet his family and friends (he has met my family and a couple of my friends). As most people, I also question motives about money, visa and sex. (I have no job at the moment, so he has probably more to offer than what I have.) When it comes to sex, he didn’t make any comments or suggestions to it when I was down there. Only time he mentioned it was in an argument we had about being loyal and faithful to the other one (this argument because of a misunderstanding with the language), where he said that sex had something to do with love and not random one night stands. His friend also came with sexual related comments; my boyfriend got annoyed and moved his seat away from his friend after saying something a bit harsh in Turkish, and then apologized to me about his friend’s behavior. I’m worried about his faithfulness, but he’s equally worried about me in that case, it seems like. After all I don’t judge him, by seeing how some of those Scandinavian girls down in Alanya behave. (At least I kept it classy the whole holiday, which I think he appreciated). I love him very much, and I know that my family likes him too, but I’m afraid that he’s keeping things away from me. Not that he seems like he’s having secrets, nor that he behave in that way, it’s just my general paranoia. He’s easily jealous, which is okay. He doesn’t want me to go to parties and such because he’s afraid of losing me, so he says. As I mentioned I’m worried about him being with other girls down there, but hey, you can basically date your neighbor and he can be sleeping around with other girls too. After what I’ve seen, I know too many people who’ve been cheated on or have been cheating on their partner. I’m not intending to cheat on my boyfriend, I love him and I will try to give everything I can offer to this relationship. If it doesn’t work out? Well, then I can proudly say that I tried and that I loved every second (at least so far). 🙂

    • 13th July 2014

      Kerry Arslan Reply

      Hi Victoria, just take everyday as it comes, you are both going the right thing taking it slowly and getting to know each other. But if you don’t trust each other which is what jealousy is, not trusting the other, then you can’t build a good foundation in your relationship.

      Long distance relationships are about trust and hopefully as you get to know each other this will build. Don’t put to much pressure on yourself or him and just let time tell where this is going.

      And your 100% you tried and your not left with any what if’s and its better to have loved than never to have loved. Good luck xx

  20. 25th July 2014

    Corina M Reply

    I have been dating only Turkish men recently and my boyfriend is very caring and sweet. He adores me and I am hoping to move to Istanbul one day. Turkish men are so more considerate than Afghani men.

  21. Hello I would like to share with you my story too. First of all I would like to say that I have read all of the posts. My story started 2 years ago meeting a guy online which we was playing the same game together. The reason I went to that game was cuz I wanted to learn Turkish. I had a lot of bad experiences on that game from the guys . He was always watching out for me and taking care of me cuz i didnt know the language good.
    Anyways my age is 24 and he has the same age with me, I didnt take it seriously when we started for some months I was even hiding from him on skype cuz I didnt want to fall in love again with someone online as I was always having bad experiences from it.I left the game also cuz I got bored. We never stopped to communicate through skype and he was very sweet and all with me and we was laughing a lot.
    1 day he asked me to return to the game so I did. From that time after I started to see us more serious , yeah I fell in love again ….Anyways after that we started to have a daily contact etc etc..
    We swore to each other that never anyone of us will leave the other.
    1 year later he started to miss a lot …like missing for days max 1 week or so . When I asked him whats going on he didnt have time to explain but he promised me to tell me everything when he finally return back home as he lives in sivas .
    One day i got so fustrated cuz I thought he didnt want to come online or he was “doing his life” while i was here wating for him .So i left him a message describing my feels and that if he dont want to move on with me he should say it like a man in my face instead of hiding.
    The reason he was away it was cuz he found out he have blood cancer and he had to go to doctors and make tests while starting his treatment.When I heard that I got depresed but I didnt showed him anything cuz i didnt want him to think that I feel sorry for him. He asked me not to leave him and i gave him my word cuz basically for me nothing changed …I feel the same way even if he is sick or not ! So we kept our contact normally but it started to be less cuz of his sickness as he was sleeping a lot of hours cuz of the medication.
    He fall in depression seeing himself like that, he changed on me too he was keep saying to me what u doing with a man half dead, or how u want to share ur life with a dead man …
    He asked me to break up and ofc I didnt accept it I was doing everything that I can to make him happy or be with me like we was in the start, but always failed.
    Even thought after all that I never left him I was always encouraging him to be strong and move on cuz he can go through that . Finally after few months he is a bit better and im coming to my questions…
    He never saw how much i was trying for that relationship..I changed everything of me following his needs..And I did that cuz I feel he is the one for me..He never admit he is wrong…When he do something he ask sorry but its like he is doing to avoid a situation or the fight between us.
    He started to be distand from me. We broke up 3 times all of those times i was the one returning to him. When I asked him why he do that he says my ego doesnt let me . Even if i love u and die from sadness I will never be the one returning to u. Sometimes it feels so wrong cuz I feel like he dont really care for me
    He told me that he never fell in love before with a woman and that his relationships was short . He also said that he dont know how to behave in a relationship. And that I should show him what and how he should behave cuz im the one he felt in love with.
    He is very hard as a man even thought he is young his pride is among everything .In those 2 years we havent make it to meet he cant travel to UK and I cant go to Turkey as my mother told me that he should be the first to come if he really wants u (my mother doesnt know he has cancer and that he cant travel) …Also he dont have visa and for him is a problem too. Thus with the treatment he is doing is impossible to travel.
    There are days that he wont even call me on skype …he is coming online and we just typing .
    The only thing im happy now is that he is alot better .I dont know if his feelings are real …He said he spoke to his mother for us
    He is a really jealous guy and he prefer to not show it..He saying everytime i wont stop u from doing things cuz im jealous.Sometimes I feel like if i leave all this behind he wont come after me, and this is where I get sad cuz generally when a man cares he would do anything to fix things up right? I feel im doing that instead of him…
    Anyways I dont want to make u tired reading , I would like to know more about Turkish men behaviors culture etc maybe this would help me to get into his mind and be able to read his actions better .

  22. 6th August 2014

    Alice Reply

    Hello,
    I’m just so happy to have found this blog and first i congrats you about all this, about your blog who is excellent and about your achivements in life.
    Well, i was just hopefully and very greatful if you can give me advices about my little story.
    I meet a boy from Turkish, he is 22 years old and i’m from Portugal and i have 20 years old (i know, still very young). We talk every day, skype almost every time when we can and we just have a great thing, we are very friends. He is very funny, nice, compliments me a lot, always make me smile and very inteligent, the kind of guy i always wanted. The thing is, i’m kind of afraid with the fact he is muslim. I read kind of bad things about these, that they just want to fool womens for visa or money. I really don’t think it’s his case, first because we still very young (but i just want to be inform for the future) and second because he is studying on 2 majors and when he finished he wants to go to another country for work or master degree. I never asked me suspicious things and he tells me that even if his mom wears scarf, his sisters don’t and they are “free”, married who they want and dresses not conservative. So i think he is not the kind of “bad” muslim men we, infortunately, hears all the time.
    But, i marriage, if i still catholic and he still muslim, he cannot do that thing on airports that we heard, the husband needs to assine for the women can go other there?
    Basically, i just want to hear some of your greats advice but directly conduct to me.
    Sorry if i said something “ignorant” about the religion and some errors of spelling.
    I’m very thankfull and continue the great job.

  23. 29th September 2014

    Ann Reply

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

    Help, I am so confused……

    I met my Kurdish man while holidaying in Turkey last year. He was the bar man at the resort I stayed with my then 6 year old daughter. I wasn’t looking for anyone it was just a chance to take my daughter away for some fun. I was divorced for 3 years by then and my ex-husband is muslim from India so I have done the long distance romance and marriage, visa’s etc before. I certainly was not looking for another foreign muslim man!

    In the evenings we used to eat, watch a show and then I would have a drink at the bar and my daughter would sit with me. She loved it as all the barmen would chat to her and they were brilliant with her. In the end my man had her working behind the bar and she would put the ice in the drinks and serve customers water and orange juice.

    On the forth night I suddenly felt a connection with this man which over whelmed me and we got chatting, then later we got together. I thought of it as a bit of fun, enjoyed his company and just treated it us a holiday romance and nothing else.

    When we arrived home I had never felt such pain for missing someone and the thought of never seeing him again was awfull. I am 43 ( although have been told I look 35) I know I act it. I would like to say I am pretty level headed, I have a good job and am self sufficient.

    He had given me his facebook account and I managed to track him down. We then messaged each other everyday throughout the day until my daughter and I met up with him in Istanbul for Christmas and New year 3 and 1/2 months later. We stayed with him in an apartment ( I did pay for and arrange as I wanted to make sure I had that security). But he paid for everything else Taxi’s, food, meals eating out, he paid for most things. He was brilliant with my daughter, so patient and really cared for her. She adored him. He told me that he loved me and wanted me to meet his family, in which we did during the second week, they were very respectable, I met his mum and dad, his brother and wife and his 3 younger sisters who were all very beautiful and such genuinely kind people. I know it was a big deal for him to introduce me as I was a non-muslim divorced women with a child. I was falling for him hard… I also met up with a few of his friends to.

    Since then I have been over to see him twice on my own and twice with my daughter. The last time we spent two weeks together. We always have fun and I love him and the way he is so good with my girl to. When we were apart we still messaged everyday through out the day.

    He is 10 years younger than me he is 33, He has always said, he wants to marry me and to come with us to live in England ( which really in hindsight would make sence). I said, I want him to come to England on a visitors visa first, just to see if he likes it and would be able to cope with the change in culture. He has always worked, for his family being the eldest son. When he does not work in the resorts he works in his city near Istanbul during the winter months.

    He is not well educated because of this, but his siblings below him have been and have good jobs, yes he is a resort worker and yes he is kurdish. He has now told me that I will not be able to see him again unless I marry him as it is very bad for his family, for him to just carry on dating me and that he will not be able to come to England on a visitors visa. This to me was a massive red flag, so I have finished with him. He seems genuinely upset and hurt by my decision. I have also been in contact with his eldest sister who is lovely and who genuinely thinks I am his yenge.

    But now I feel so confused as I think he is speaking the truth and with all of these scams going on I have know idea what is real or not. We have been over one month now and the pain is not getting any easier. If I do message him, he does get back to me. But I have cut off all contact now and it hurts.
    I need advice please as to what to do. I don’t want to regret my life.

    • 30th September 2014

      Kerry Arslan Reply

      Hi Ann, well I understand your dilemma, I also was worried when I first met my husband and I told him straight you want to come to the UK you pay and sort your own visa, you want money I am not giving you, you ask me for gifts etc forget it. He was told under no terms he asks me for these I am finished and gone.

      Lets get rid of he is Kurdish bit, so my husband but that is not the issues, Kurdish, Turkish, British, Spanish, there are con men all around the world. And also think of him as a man and not his race or religion it has nothing to do with your relationship, unless they are made an issue.

      You haven’t in terms of a normal relationship known each other that long, so its hard to tell what his real intentions are. Yes, in some families here there will be pressure to marry, but this is not a normal relationship and I think you need time to make sure it’s right, you have your daughter to consider and you will be nervous I bet about getting deeply involved again.

      If this relationship really means a lot to you and your not ready to give up, tell him you need time, if he loves you he will wait for you, that if he wants to come to the UK for a visit he is welcome but he has to pay for this himself, if his siblings are doing well they should be able to help. Tell him that this is the only way you can trust his intentions and tell him why, if he doesn’t understand or goes away then you will know the truth, if he does as you ask, then perhaps he is genuine. He should understand being a resort working and if his love is true he won’t hesitate.

      My last bit of advice listen to your gut instinct if it tells you this is wrong it is, don’t listen to your head or heart they often lie, but what does your stomach say when you think of this situation?

      Good luck and message me anytime if you need to chat x

    • 10th November 2014

      Stacey McAuley Reply

      Hi,,just read this and was wondering how its goin now for you? I met a Kurdish guy this summer (i wasnt looking either.. you know how it goes) and we’ve been in contact since i came home. Truthfully before i used to think women who fell for holiday romances were daft but here i was crying my eyes out for most of my journey home :/ He wants me to meet him in Diyarbakır soon and its crazy but im actually seriously thinking about it! But i’ve heard so many awful stories about them being out for what they can get and im an over thinker at the best of times.. not a good combination! :/ but same as you when i came home.. it felt like the worst pain, i was miserable.. so i feel now if i dont take a risk and go to see him i will spend my life thinking “what if”

      • 6th November 2015

        Rox Reply

        I feel I could have written this exact comment myself, I am in completely the same position. I hope things worked out for you!

  24. 27th October 2014

    Angel Reply

    I have a boyfriend and he is a turkish.. I’m from philippines and we’re only 16 years old.. we’ve been 2 months now. He’s kind, sweet.. but day have passed and I’m feeling that he don’t care me anymore.. :/

    • 27th October 2014

      Angel Reply

      And we don’t talk in skype that much, I know it’s to early for us, but I’m hoping that our relationship will work. Can somebody give me an advice.. thank you 🙂

    • 4th November 2014

      Kerry Arslan Reply

      Angel, you are 16 years old enjoy life, he might not be the one. He is a 16 year old boy and men at most times find it hard to commit. Give it time, but just have fun enjoy life, don’t get hung up on a man, be independent.

  25. 12th November 2014

    Carleigh Reply

    Hi I just wanted to share my experience of seeing a turkish guy, I met him in last year on holiday, we went out with a group of mutual friends for the day and me and him ended up spending the day together. Were both 20, He worked in a hotel near to where I was staying so I went and seen him there that night when he was working, and we kept meeting up that week. I was devastated to leave him when the time came to go home. We already had eachother a numbers and on eachothers facebooks so we kept in touch constantly from the minute I left, then we started to skype eachother for hours every day and night. I knew from the minute I left I wanted to go back and see him again so I waited a few months and went back on my own. I have friends in Marmaris and one or two of them had said to me he’s only a player he’s going to break your heart but I seen a different side to him I was really falling for him and even though I put this to him and we had a few small arguments over it I didn’t listen to what anyone else said. When I went over I went myself and even though I knew people where I was staying I found myself just hanging around waiting for him on my own wile he slept and worked. I was sometimes quiet and distant to him because the whole experience was quite surreal being in a different country on my own and I was finding it quite hard. All in all we had a great week together although we had a few rows everything was okay, I was madly in love with him. I planned to go to his home after season and meet his family in and he said he’d wait for me. But when I came home we weren’t talking as much, I knew he worked a lot and nights too but I was getting frustrated because he wasn’t finding the time for me he did before and I kept questioning this with him. I went out with friends one night and we were on Skype after and he could see I was really drunk and he wouldn’t speak to me for days after that until I finally cracked up and ended things with him after over a week of apologising for being out and having a good night and It was so hard just being cut off like that, but it was only then he as ready to talk to me when id finally had enough. Things weren’t great after that he never called or messages me but I could see he was online, so after days of breaking my own heart I ended things with him and he just asked why what had happened as if he didn’t understand. In a way I wanted him to fight for me. I said to him what happened with us everything used to be so good, he said he didn’t know and I asked him if we could get back together and try to fix things. He didn’t reply and I finally said okay we will just be friends but I found even that too hard and had to cut him off, I spent weeks crying and being depressed but now I am slowly getting over it and things are getting easier. I’ve tried a few times to contact him but he blocked my number so I had to send him a Facebook message explaining I had to take him off my social networking sites because it was too hard seeing his name there all the time. I wish I had of listened to my friends and not got in too deep when they told me he would break my heart because he really did.

  26. 6th January 2015

    Alison Reply

    Hi, I met a lovely Turkish guy whilst on holiday with my mum, it was out of the blue and totally unexpected he was the chef in a restaurant we had a meal in. His English was not very good but we went out after he finished work every night and we really clicked, and managed to really get on well. We parted at the end of the holiday and I expected not to hear from him again and put it down to a holiday romance. I couldn’t have been more wrong, he messaged me every day which must have been difficult as on his return to his hometown of Hatay after the holiday season ended the WIFI was difficult to come by (its quite rural where his family home is). He managed to Skype a couple of times from an internet cafe but it was hit and miss with electricity and opening times. Anyway we decided to meet up in Antalya and have a weeks holiday together. We had a lovely week although he constantly looked as though he had something on his mind and we had to put up with his sister constantly ringing asking him to come home. He said his mother had encouraged him to come and meet me and as long as he was happy she was happy, but that his sister was dead against the relationship. He talked about settling down together and I said it was too soon but if we still felt the same after a few meetings I would seriously think about it. We returned home and for the first couple of days we messaged, but then the messages suddenly stopped. I rang Christmas Day as promised and he said he had a very big problem and said to call a friend of ours, that he would explain what was happening, but he wanted me to go to him as agreed in April. I rang his friend who advised me that his family do not agree with him seeing an English girl and they were trying to arrange a marriage for him (he’s 40), but I’ve heard he’s trying to fight against it. As yet I have heard nothing from him, but I have had a phone call and texts from an unknown Turkish number asking me if I know him and if I am having a relationship with him, I have not replied and do not intend to. I also had a Facebook friend request from his sister which I did not accept. I am at a loss really what to do, can they make him marry and does anyone else have any experience of this culture wise?

    • 9th January 2015

      Kerry Arslan Reply

      Alison

      I feel for you. In short yes they can make him. Family pressure is very big here and culturally he would put the family in shame if he refused a marriage arrange by family. People have died over arranged marriages. If he is from a remote area of Hatay likely they are very traditional. 40 is also very old not to have already been married, I am surprised his family haven’t already pushed this issue in the past. I would go very carefully here, he may have the best intentions but experience has taught we Turks will do for the family and I have heard stories similar in the past which haven’t ended well.

      It may be he can talk his family round but his silence means he seems to scared to go against them. One other thing regards his age and not being married is the person trying to contact you his sister or perhaps a wife? I am sorry to ask the question and put doubt in your mind but it is one that is in mine and I would hate not to ask and for this to go further.

      I am sorry you find yourself in this situation, I hope you find out some answers and that it all comes good for you both. Please go careful.

      Kerry

      • 9th January 2015

        Alison Reply

        Hi Kerry

        Thank you, I cannot tell you how your reply has settled my mind and put thing into perspective.

        As I hadn’t hear anything from him since Christmas Day I started just dropping him one text a day just a good morning or I miss you just in case he was in difficulty or needed reassurance. Then on Tuesday I stopped. On Wednesday I received a text from his phone saying do not message me again I am now married! I rang his phone three times and a woman answered I asked for him but she said he wasn’t there, so I hung up. She then texted from her phone telling me she was his wife and to stop sending messages. I texted back saying I would, if he rang and told me himself at which point she said she would get him to ring when he returned. He later called, he was obviously not alone as there was noise in the background and said that he was married on Sunday and he was very sorry, I needed to stop messaging and not to come to Icmeler in April like he asked, he said again how sorry he was and then hung up. I do think that maybe he has had his phone taken from him as a male friend of his rang me saying he had been trying to get in touch with him but cannot, he was really surprised he was now married as he’s known him for over 10 years, he had heard nothing from him in weeks.

        Your email has made me realise that he did think a lot of me and it wasn’t just talk, the promise of a life together (he just wasn’t that kind of man he was very kind and thoughtful) I really think he meant it and he hoped it was possible to achieve. I think the fact I am English had a huge bearing on the matter and now thinking how hard it would have been for me to travel so close to Syria to visit the family and the huge problems attached to it, maybe it is for the best and the safety of both of us, but it doesn’t stop me missing him and wondering what could have been.

        Thank you again for your explanation of Turkish culture, it’s very hard to understand when you have never come across anything like this before and I wish you all the very best.

        Alison

        • 12th January 2015

          Kerry Arslan Reply

          Alison I am so sorry, better to know one way or another. I don’t want to say better to have loved and lost, but in many ways it is true. People come into our lives and then often leave again but we are all better for the experience in many ways. Sometimes we don’t know why at the time! I hope you find love soon x

  27. 22nd February 2015

    Sharon Reply

    This is an odd story: 50 years ago (yes, 50) I met a Turkish young man studying for a degree in the United States on a government scholarship. We dated, fell in love and then it was time for him to go back to Turkey. He went back to work and go into the Army to satisfy the government obligation. I followed and lived with his family for about eight months. During that time, we were never alone and slowly I began to realize that I was not cut out for the life that I would have to live were we to marry. Remember, this was 50 years ago and times were very different. I came back to the US. We corresponded daily by mail (before the Internet, people!). Then I met my husband. I don’t remember whether or not I sent him a Dear John or what I did. Anyway, I’ve been married for 48 years. I’ve never stopped thinking about him. He was my first love and my husband was my second. About nine months ago, he found me online. I was shocked. He, too, is married. We started corresponding by e-mail about the past and the present. In some ways, he became my best friend because we wrote every day and shared everything. I told my husband as soon as he contacted me. He did not tell his wife telling me that it was just not done. And that she was very jealous of me having learned about me from his family when they met over 40 years ago. I kept after him to tell her because I was uncomfortable with secrecy and because I believe that eventually secrets come out and can be very damaging. I am traveling to Europe with my husband soon to visit my daughter’s in laws in Italy. Then the four of us are taking a short trip to Istanbul. I again asked him to tell his wife. I told him to tell her a white lie since after nine months of correspondence, I expected that she would very hurt should he tell her that we had been in touch that length of time. I told him to tell her that I found him just recently. He said that he did tell her that but also told her that he answered my e-mail. Apparently that was what made her angry and I kind of agree with her! I told my husband before I answered his first message and he should have told her. Anyway, my last message from him was that he could no longer write to me. I have to say that I am very sad over this. He had become a good friend and I miss him! I expected to see him when we visit Turkey in a few months. I haven’t written to him because he asked me not to. I asked my husband if he would send him an e-mail with our itinerary, just in case he could meet us. My husband agreed since he’s curious about this guy (you know, we’re in our 70s so no one is running away with anyone!). I have penned a short e-mail for my husband to send but I have held back from doing so. I don’t want to hurt my old boyfriend and I don’t want to cause him any more trouble. On the other hand, I will be so sad should I not have a chance to see him one more time. We’re both old. This would most certainly be the last time. I’m in a quandary. Send the e-mail (from my husband’s e-mail address) or not. I feel that I have to do it. He loves his wife and I’m sure he’s sorry he hurt her. I don’t want to hurt her, either. She’s taken good care of a man I loved very much. I am indebted to her! I should probably leave it at that but I’ll be so close and I know it will drive me crazy if I don’t at least try to get in touch with him one more time.

    • 23rd February 2015

      Kerry Arslan Reply

      Sharon, just send it life as you know is short and you only have one chance to make an ending to a lovely story. Let me know what you and if you meet.

      Kerry

      • 11th March 2015

        Sharon Reply

        Sent the e-mail. Response was that his wife has gone crazy since she found out that we are communicating. She monitors his e-mail and watches everything he does. We will not be meeting when I am in Istanbul and we are no longer communicating. That is the ending to the story.

        • 18th March 2015

          Kerry Arslan Reply

          Sharon, I am so sad for you. It is a shame she can’t understand that there really isn’t anything in it all apart from history. Perhaps not the ending you wished for, but at least you had one more chance to reconnect. I hope you will still have a lovely trip and can remember all the happy memories.

  28. 18th March 2015

    turkishdreams Reply

    Hey Kerry,
    how soon do Turkish men introduce their girlfriends to their family (if they do)? We have dated for more than a year and plan to get married but he has never asked me if I would like to meet his family. However, my friend has been with 2 Turkish men and they almost instantly would ask or insist she should meet his parents.

    • 18th March 2015

      Kerry Arslan Reply

      Hi

      I suppose it really depends on the man rather than if he is Turkish or not. But I would think if you are planning on marrying then meeting the family is an important step. Maybe he is scared you will run off if you meet them. How much does he talk about them? There may be some issue with them. My husband took me to see them days after we started dating but we had know each other for over at least a year before this. You need to talk to him and ask why he hasn’t introduced you yet and that you would like to meet them. I would without a good explanation be asking some questions and his reasons for this. Speak to him. Good luck and let me know how it all goes. x

  29. 6th November 2015

    Rox Reply

    Thank you for this article! It has actually given me a lot of reassurance with the situation I am currently in. I desperately want to follow my heart but my stupid head and other peoples words seem to be having a negative impact 🙁

    Wish me luck 🙂

  30. 18th December 2015

    pia Reply

    I met this guy online and have been talking to him since very long time. We both have had past relationships which didn’t end so well,but when we started talking,a strange connection came up between us. We are like inseparable ever since,talking hours on call and every way possible,everything about us is the same,our likes and dislikes,our dreams and expectations, though jealousy factor is true about Turkish men but i feel its bcz he doesn’t want to lose me. I applied for the visa and the guy is basically searching people in embassy to get it done faster so that we can spend the new year together.Today he told me his entire family knows about us and is waiting to meet me. I am a doctor and he is a businessman,we both are independent and self made.I am so nervous whether we will have the same connection we feel now after spending a month together.I have booked my flight and i will see him after 10 days.God i have never done this before but it feels so right in my heart,i can see a beautiful future together. He is a very caring and wonderful person,we both have passion for music,i sing he plays)) he has big plans for next whole month,i m so curious how will it go.I m Indian and he is a Turk. I m looking forward to falling in love with turkey and its culture and with him))) your blog gave me hope))
    very nervous for the first time in my life)

    Will keep u posted how it went)

    • 21st December 2015

      Kerry Arslan Reply

      Pia, I hope it all works out for you both, its almost like a blind date! Looking forward to finding out how it all works out for you both. Good luck x

  31. 22nd December 2015

    SOP Reply

    Turkish men!

    I had no idea they had such a reputation….! As a Turkish born British woman I know a lot about them. I personally would not marry a Turkish man unless he was of a certain breed and they are extremely rare. Even my own late father – god bless him, was well educated, well read, travelled and self made struggled with double standards which are indoctrinated in them from an early age. Don’t forget Turkish women create Turkish men but that’s another subject all together. To all those out there I would say be very careful. Not because they are bad people (I am excluding the obvious opportunists and con artists here), it is just that their culture is worlds apart from yours. They see women and relationships differently. I know there are amazing relationships which worked with a Turkish men, but it is a rarity rather than majority. Good luck all. BTW: I love Kerry Arslan’s photo with her Turkish man. God bless.

    • 11th January 2016

      Kerry Arslan Reply

      SOP there are many British men I wouldn’t marry either………. and then there are many men I wouldn’t either. When I married my husband, I didn’t marry a Turk or Kurd. I married my husband, the man he is. There is a huge mistake we make when we class someone we stop look at who they are. We stop seeing the person. Many want to marry a Turkish man, so they find one and then it ends in tears. Many who have a holiday fling and think it will go further and it doesn’t are trying to hold on to holiday memory. You see when you see the person and treat them just as the stand, not a Turk, or Kurd or Brit or Muslim, or Christian or Black person or White person, you really see who they are and their soul. And even then you may still pick a bad egg. It is so easy to create filters in which to view life. You are right that Turks have a different culture and different upbringing and have different ideas to us, but if we look at that person we think we are in love with as just a person and try to understand them as they stand in front of us, then we know we have looked at that man for what he is and decided if we should step forward with them. Thank you for your kind words on the photo.

  32. Lesson learned in the hard way by falling in love with a Turkish guy: do not ever date a Turkish guy, and I’ve heard that from Turkish guy and woman.
    Not worth the hassle and the pain.
    I’ve been very judgmental and generalizing, but that’s the reality and I’ve heard that from many different people, Turkish people, especially if you met him on a resort or cruise ship. Maybe that’s why some cruise lines are not accepting Turkish people as employees anymore, they know the kind of problem turkish men are going to cause…

    • 11th January 2016

      Kerry Arslan Reply

      I’m sorry you have been hurt. But it is wrong to generalise, there are many arse holes in the world over as are there in Turkey but not all are shits. Sorry you got a bad one. Hope you find happiness x

  33. 15th January 2016

    Sabrina Reply

    Hi…I have been reading your article and would like to seek your opinion/advice.

    I am turning 20, this year. I have been dating my Turkish boyfriend for 2 months now. We met each other through an online game that supports chat room. As we get to know each other for briefly a week on game, we exchanged each other ID on LINE. We have known each other for a year now. During the one year period, we only exchange text messages, decent photos and voice messages but never try to call or video call one another thinking it is too early. One day, he asked me to be his girlfriend and without hesitation I said “yes”.

    We are not afraid to talk/share about the difference in our culture and tradition. I get really comfortable talking to him because he is very open whether about his past, his family or his friends. No matter how much we love each other and needed each other company, we are not confident in this long-distance relationship.

    He has a lot of insecurities – he is 10 years older than me, he thinks that he is not handsome/good enough for me and he kept thinking that our relationship is mainly a dream and he get depressed easily because of this.

    As for my insecurities – I have trust issues since it is a long distance relationship and I don’t think I can understand his mindset well like how he understood me.

    I have read about Turkish men wanting visa and stuff, I doubt he is one of them.
    He never talks about coming to visit me in Singapore but he often asked me to visit him one day if I am on a holiday. He also gets mad at me when I spend money on online game because he wants me to spend it on education instead since I am still studying. His action moves me. I feel like he cares a lot for me. He doesn’t seem like a money-minded man. But I don’t know.

    Despite everything, we both always have doubts even though we are trying hard to improve. And also, these few days he has been busy and working too hard compared to last time I spend time talking to him. Even though he is willing to take some time to talk to me, to catch up with our activities, I always shove him off because I didn’t want to disturb him or anything. My action made him disappointed but I don’t know if it was really what he felt.

    I hope you could reply me with your advice because this means a lot to me since I took up the courage to voice out about my fresh relationship with him.

  34. 18th July 2016

    aulia Reply

    hi, im Ai from indonesia. i known one man from turkey from online site. we talk everyday and sometimes video call in facebook. it just a normal daily conversation. but the hard one is, he not have good english. and its terrible. so, how is turkey man typical? did he serious / honest if say something to me ? or just say that word to all the girls he knows too?

    • 18th July 2016

      Kerry Arslan Reply

      Aulia, it is really hard to know without out know his character. Only time will really tell if he is serious or not. Perhaps he is a good person. Just see where it goes, do not get to serious. Good luck x

  35. 5th August 2016

    Intan Fatma Reply

    Hi Kerry.
    After reading your article, it reminds me when I had such a great time with my ex. Last year I met with a Turkish guy from learn English websites. We used to talk everyday on skype then we decided to had a relationship. I’m living in Indonesia and he’s living in Turkey. During the time, I have no idea why did I love him so much. Even I knew that we had long distance but I’ve never felt it was a long distance relationship. I love the way he behave when we talked on skype, he was really sweet. He’ a jealousy person, that’s what I love from him. But then, something worst happenend on march this year. He said he wanted to broke up with me. I was sockhed when I heard that suddenly he wanted to broke up. I asked him why, but he didnt give any clearly reason. There was no explanation. However, it’s been around 5 month since we broke up but I’m still loving him. It hurts me a lot. When Turkish guy think about the culture, I have no problem with Turkish cultute. I was wondering, do turkish guy doing this in relation? I know I cant generalize people just because experience that I had before. What do you think?

    • 28th August 2016

      Kerry Arslan Reply

      Intan Fatma, there could be a lot of reasons he broke up. Perhaps his family had arranged a marriage for him, still in Turkey arrange marriages are very important and often they have no say in the matter and the family is very strong in Turkey and it has hard for them to say no to them. Perhaps he met someone in Turkey and it was easier for him. I don’t think it is a Turkish thing or part of their culture. I think for a true answer you would have had to ask him why. Sometimes relationships are best lived in the moment and then moved on from then the man can never disappoint you.

  36. 2nd September 2016

    dan firm Reply

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    loanfirmdaniel@gmail.com best regards

  37. 5th January 2017

    sharry Reply

    Hi kerry
    Im also in LDR im from philippines and hes from turkey..we are now 7 months in this kind of relationship…Everyday we chat and see each other on cam by Skype..One thing i dont get is he dont want me to message him on facebook.. I ask him why, he just answered me like this “Just i dont want”.He said he loves me. and I love him too. I just dont get why he doesnt like me to send him message in facebook. He said we only talk and chat on skype. He said to me “dont worry i love you for real”. Will i believe him..

  38. 16th January 2017

    CARY Reply

    MY BAD EXPERIENCE….
    Hello friends, I would not like to remember this experience so hard .. I hope none of you go through something as painful as I. A year ago I met my young Turko here in the USA Orlando .. as I affectionately told my Baby, I 37 and 30, without children neither. We lived here in the US and we only communicated in English, despite the fact that I wanted to learn Turkish because it was difficult for me, but I do not know much about it either. In all this time from October 2015 until now January 2017 we were together, living together and sharing wonderful things. He always told me that he loved me and in a way I felt that he did love me, we went out with his friends, everything very beautiful until a while ago he started to act different with me, sometimes I complained but he always told me it was because he is A little shy and there are things that he does not do for their customs, we talk a lot about our love, he got to know my family and I even greet his family by Skype, just a greeting not really much communication with his family But good I always hoped to be able to marry him. We always went out … I used to go wherever I asked or almost. We rejoiced a lot, we played a lot, he was very affectionate and tender and me too. I was in a way very happy but there was something in him that did not convince me much, I think he was only using me for that year. We shared everything … even bathed together. It was beautiful and beautiful, it made me feel like I never felt in my life. Now after sharing and waiting all this year it is time for him to travel to Turkia and talk to his parents, me very numb but always with the doubt.foxes in truth, I guess not all are like this but I have read a lot already of these bad experiences. BE CAREFUL, watch your heart. Above all, do not give them the heart completely, they will be very damaged. We both cried.
    The worst thing is that there is no day I stop thinking about him and maybe he does not think of me, now he’s more closely with a distant cousin who moves near here, they get along very well, I know he’ll be enjoying with his friends And the cousin because they have a lot of money to do it and I’m dying here, but he took the decision and he told me it was the best for both of them, he just used me, I still can not assimilate. I think he played with me all this time and only to spend that happy year and now.
    I know that I will never forget it, I know that I will always love him. Learn from my sad experience with my tender Baby.

  39. 16th January 2017

    CARY Reply

    Sorry .the last one isn’t complete, the real reason is here….
    My bad experience….

    Hello friends, I would not like to remember this experience so hard .. I hope none of you go through something as painful as I. A year ago I met my young Turko here in the USA Orlando .. as I affectionately told my Baby, I 37 and 30, without children neither. We lived here in the US and we only communicated in English, despite the fact that I wanted to learn Turkish because it was difficult for me, but I do not know much about it either. In all this time from October 2015 until now January 2017 we were together, living together and sharing wonderful things. He always told me that he loved me and in a way I felt that he did love me, we went out with his friends, everything very beautiful until a while ago he started to act different with me, sometimes I complained but he always told me it was because he is A little shy and there are things that he does not do for their customs, we talk a lot about our love, he got to know my family and I even greet his family by Skype, just a greeting not really much communication with his family But good I always hoped to be able to marry him. We always went out … I used to go wherever I asked or almost. We rejoiced a lot, we played a lot, he was very affectionate and tender and me too. I was in a way very happy but there was something in him that did not convince me much, I think he was only using me for that year. We shared everything … even bathed together. It was beautiful and beautiful, it made me feel like I never felt in my life. Now after sharing and waiting all this year it is time for him to travel to Turkia and talk to his parents, me very numb but always with the doubt. When he came back he was not the same, he was only three weeks in Turkia and it seems that something transformed him on the trip, we talked on Skype and he sent me kisses and everything. Suddenly upon arriving here he told me that we had to talk, the same day without waiting but he told me that we had to talk, I had a feeling that something was wrong. Until he finally decided and told me that his parents did not accept, I became like crazy, we both cried a lot that night, it hurt in my soul I tear it to pieces. Then the next day I wrote a message to her mother and she replied that they only talked to him but in the end the decision was his, that is, they gave him the possibility to choose what he wanted. So when I complain to him, you know what he says to me? I had to leave because he did not love me enough to take risks with me, I wanted to die right there, as it is possible after a year of beautiful outings, beautiful Adventures, beautiful experiences, I took care of him and he took care of me, we were like two lovebirds in love, how is it possible ?, someone explain to me, PLEASE, tell me so, but you can not continue with me because you DO NOT LOVE ME ENOUGH Like to marry me and take me with him, for culture or whatever, I was willing to change everything, everything. It was the experience of love that has hurt me most in my life. How a man can be transformed in three weeks. He broke my soul like a crystal into a thousand pieces. With this I want to tell you girls, DO NOT TRUST A LOT IN THE TURKS, they are foxes in truth, I guess not all are like this but I have read a lot already of these bad experiences. BE CAREFUL, watch your heart. Above all, do not give them the heart completely, they will be very damaged. We both cried.
    The worst thing is that there is no day I stop thinking about him and maybe he does not think of me, now he’s more closely with a distant cousin who moves near here, they get along very well, I know he’ll be enjoying with his friends And the cousin because they have a lot of money to do it and I’m dying here, but he took the decision and he told me it was the best for both of them, he just used me, I still can not assimilate. I think he played with me all this time and only to spend that happy year and now.
    I know that I will never forget it, I know that I will always love him. Learn from my sad experience with my tender Baby.

  40. 16th January 2017

    CARY Reply

    SORYY …the last one is not complete…the real reason is here….
    MY BAD EXPERIENCE….COMPLETED.

    Hello friends, I would not like to remember this experience so hard .. I hope none of you go through something as painful as I. A year ago I met my young Turko here in the USA Orlando .. as I affectionately told my Baby, I 37 and 30, without children neither. We lived here in the US and we only communicated in English, despite the fact that I wanted to learn Turkish because it was difficult for me, but I do not know much about it either. In all this time from October 2015 until now January 2017 we were together, living together and sharing wonderful things. He always told me that he loved me and in a way I felt that he did love me, we went out with his friends, everything very beautiful until a while ago he started to act different with me, sometimes I complained but he always told me it was because he is A little shy and there are things that he does not do for their customs, we talk a lot about our love, he got to know my family and I even greet his family by Skype, just a greeting not really much communication with his family But good I always hoped to be able to marry him. We always went out … I used to go wherever I asked or almost. We rejoiced a lot, we played a lot, he was very affectionate and tender and me too. I was in a way very happy but there was something in him that did not convince me much, I think he was only using me for that year. We shared everything … even bathed together. It was beautiful and beautiful, it made me feel like I never felt in my life. Now after sharing and waiting all this year it is time for him to travel to Turkia and talk to his parents, me very numb but always with the doubt. When he came back he was not the same, he was only three weeks in Turkia and it seems that something transformed him on the trip, we talked on Skype and he sent me kisses and everything. Suddenly upon arriving here he told me that we had to talk, the same day without waiting but he told me that we had to talk, I had a feeling that something was wrong. Until he finally decided and told me that his parents did not accept, I became like crazy, we both cried a lot that night, it hurt in my soul I tear it to pieces. Then the next day I wrote a message to her mother and she replied that they only talked to him but in the end the decision was his, that is, they gave him the possibility to choose what he wanted. So when I complain to him, you know what he says to me? I had to leave because he did not love me enough to take risks with me, I wanted to die right there, as it is possible after a year of beautiful outings, beautiful Adventures, beautiful experiences, I took care of him and he took care of me, we were like two lovebirds in love, how is it possible ?, someone explain to me, PLEASE, tell me so, but you can not continue with me because you DO NOT LOVE ME ENOUGH Like to marry me and take me with him, for culture or whatever, I was willing to change everything, everything. It was the experience of love that has hurt me most in my life. How a man can be transformed in three weeks. He broke my soul like a crystal into a thousand pieces. With this I want to tell you girls, DO NOT TRUST A LOT IN THE TURKS, they are foxes in truth, I guess not all are like this but I have read a lot already of these bad experiences. BE CAREFUL, watch your heart. Above all, do not give them the heart completely, they will be very damaged. We both cried.
    The worst thing is that there is no day I stop thinking about him and maybe he does not think of me, now he’s more closely with a distant cousin who moves near here, they get along very well, I know he’ll be enjoying with his friends And the cousin because they have a lot of money to do it and I’m dying here, but he took the decision and he told me it was the best for both of them, he just used me, I still can not assimilate. I think he played with me all this time and only to spend that happy year and now.
    I know that I will never forget it, I know that I will always love him. Learn from my sad experience with my tender Baby.

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