Are You in Love with Your Turkish Man or the Idea of him?

Let’s set the scene…….. You arrive in Turkey not knowing what to expect, you roll up to your hotel late at night and in the morning you set out to explore, everything is different, the excitement is building your on holiday no commitments and you are there to have fun. The weather is amazing, the sea is beautiful and the drinks taste great.

As the holiday progresses you notice the many beautiful dark skinned, dark eyed men walking around and the view is not bad.

dating a turkish man

You get chatting with one or two of them and become friendly with them and then you notice him across the room your eyes meet and he slowly comes over and you start to talk. Perhaps his English is not great and you laugh at how he says your name. Within what seems like moments, he is declaring his love for you or at least his lust. Whenever he sees you he rushes over and you can’t wait each morning to go out and find him.

You can’t believe how much you love your Turkish Man……

You know it can’t last but you really want it to…..

The flight home is terrible all you want to do is crying and you might even have been that girl I’ve seen many times, standing in the airport crying at leaving her love behind.

(No, I was never that girl!)

When you get home you immediately message him and because he is working in the resorts it’s really hard to keep in touch and so you start to join all the facebook groups and forums you can and learn as much as you can about Turkey and your Turkish Man. You even start to learn the language.

You become obsessed and this man you had to leave behind becomes more and more perfect and of course he isn’t like any of those love rats!

For many of these young men, it is great to fall in lust with all these half clad ladies walking around, they are young and single, what’s to stop them having a little fun while working.

(well some are young and single, some have forgotten to grow up!)

Some see it as an opportunity to get some nice stuff, mostly to sell, but some stuff that isn’t fake, or to get some extra cash on the side. I have even known them to get engaged and get the lady to buy the rings, they promise to pay them back. Later on they will sell them back to the same jeweler. The not only get commission for the sale, they then get the cash back from the ring they sell.

Why do they do that? Because they are working long, long hours for very little money and for most the money goes straight back to the family. You can’t blame them for looking a holidaymakers as easy pickings. I am not making excuses for them but you have to look at it from their point of view.

However for some it really is love, we can’t brand the entire Turkish population as love rats, the love rats are in the small percent. Over the years I’ve met and know many who have made it work. Yet it is the love rats that get all the coverage, the ones where women want to tear them apart, because of a broken heart and often an empty wallet.

But are you really in love with him or the idea of him, the idea of living your life in the resort areas, enjoying the summer working in Turkey in the bars and being with you man?

Are you really seeing this through clear glasses or rose tinted glasses?

I do think many woman who meet their man on holiday and want to keep the holiday alive through this man, they want the holiday to never end, like playing your favourite romance over and over and crying at the same parts and wishing you were the leading lady.

This time you really are the leading lady and it’s a real life romance. Will it last no one knows.

What happens when the holiday romance bubble bursts, will you still love this man will he still be the love of your life? When you find yourself living in the middle of Turkey far from the resorts living on a low wage and sitting with the local woman drinking tea and gossiping or stuck in your apartment alone for hours on end.

What then? will you still love him? or are you really just in love with the idea of him?

My advice is see him as the man he is, he is not a Turk or waiter or barman or boatboy. He is a man, with a heart, he deserves to be seen as he is standing in front of you. Really think about what you life will be like if you have to give up all you have at home and if you could cope living in some town in the middle of Turkey with no expats and just the locals and perhaps his Mother in Law for company. Perhaps you think you could get a visa and he could come live with you, the system is cruel and though many have gotten visas, for some they are still waiting to be together after many years. What if he doesn’t like living in your home or can’t find work? There is lot to think about, sorry to sound negative, but you have to think about all of this.

The idea of of your Turkish man might be all flowers and roses but is it just an idea of him and a memory of a wonderful summer holiday? or is it real love?

My last piece of advice is to take it slow, enjoy the romance, enjoy the excitement of a new love, enjoy the moment, don’t put all your hopes and expectations on him, let just be what it is.  Don’t get in too deep to fast, the fire that burns slow burns longer. Have fun, but don’t love the idea of the Man, Love the Man instead.

© 2016, Kerry Arslan. All rights reserved.

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4 Responses to “Are You in Love with Your Turkish Man or the Idea of him?”

  1. 9th February 2016

    Jane Ozmus Reply

    I would also add think seriously about the religious implications. If the romance progresses into something more serious Islam could have a major influence on how you live your life.

    • 13th February 2016

      Kerry Arslan Reply

      Thank you Jane, yes there is at times a religious pressure if not from the Man but from the family.

  2. 10th February 2016

    Kim Reply

    Kerry, you say: “And this is almost scientific, over the years I’ve met and know many who have made it work I would even go as far to say the love rats are in the 1%. Yet it is the love rats that get all the coverage, the ones where women want to tear them apart, because of a broken heart and often an empty wallet.”

    There is no way of knowing the percentage of people who behave like “love rats”, but from what I have seen, the number is higher. It’s more than teeny, tiny minority of one in a hundred who exploit, lie and rip off non-Turkish in the resorts.

    Money is hard to come by and there are boys and men who wait like sharks for the women that come on holiday. They are hardly the 1%.

    I like your blog and respect your views, but in this case you are down-playing a sad reality of life in the resorts

    • 13th February 2016

      Kerry Arslan Reply

      You are correct Kim, my only excuse is I am dyslexic and terrible at math. I have edited my article and removed that sentence. Thank you for correcting me!

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